I Didn’t Expect Pole to Feel Like This

I didn’t start pole thinking it would change my life.

I thought I’d learn a few tricks, get a bit stronger, maybe feel a bit more confident.
That was kind of the goal.

I didn’t expect to cry over it.

But within a couple of weeks… my life felt completely different.

I cry after class sometimes. Not in a sad way — it’s actually the opposite.
It’s like this overwhelming feeling of finally.

Like I’ve found something I didn’t even realise I was missing.

And it sounds dramatic, but it really does feel like I’ve won the lottery.

Calling myself a dancer still makes me emotional.

I don’t even know why.
Maybe because it’s something I’ve always admired, always watched, always thought that would be amazing… but never really believed was something I could be.

And now I just casually go to class and learn it.

That part still hasn’t sunk in.

And it’s not just the dancing.

It’s the way it’s changed me.

I feel more confident, yeah — but not in a loud, look-at-me way.
More like I just feel comfortable in myself.

I feel softer.

Less judgemental.

I don’t know how to explain it properly, but I’ve noticed I look at people differently now. Especially women.
Everyone just feels… beautiful.

There’s this warmth that I didn’t have before.

And then there’s the fun.

Like actual, real fun.

We were doing cartwheels in class the other night — cartwheels.
When do grown adults get to do that?

And I was just standing there thinking… this is actually my life now?

It’s not serious. It’s not stressful. It’s just fun.

I’m completely obsessed.

I think about it all the time.
I want to get better, stronger, smoother.
I want to dance better, move better, feel everything more.

And for once, it doesn’t feel like pressure.
It just feels like something I want.

I didn’t expect pole to do this.

I thought it would change my body.
I didn’t realise it would change how I feel about myself… and honestly, how I feel about life.

I don’t know where this goes yet.

But I do know this —

this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time.

And the funny thing is… I’m still learning.

I still feel like I’m not that good sometimes.
I mess things up, I forget moves, I’m not always smooth.

But it doesn’t even matter.

Because for the first time, I’m enjoying something this much while I’m still in the middle of becoming it.